Dear reader,
Would you love me if I was 13?
Would your current self even love yourself at 13?
At 13 I was unapologetically both myself and someone else, I was still mimicking those around me, my peers(who were also 13), my caregivers and anyone who would lend me a piece of themselves. I was too afraid to express who I was, too ashamed of myself to share it with others so I only took the pieces others could lend.
At 13 you worry too much yet worry so little about what others think of you, I was too afraid to yet shared so much about my interests with others.
13 year olds are little kids with way to many insecurities for their age, with an ego so large you wonder how they develop it with so many insecurities. Their hormones are running rampant and they barely know who they are, making it so hard to love them as you can't love someone without loving themselves.
I feel like, "would you love me if I was 13" is a better question than, "would you love me if I was a worm" as it would me so much more emotionally to love(platonically) a 13 year old compared to a worm.
When I was 13, there was nothing to worry about, I had a social life and friends but I still wanted to die, I felt miserable every day without reason, there was no pressure on me, nothing to do, maybe it was because I had too much time, but I wanted to feel nothing and something at the same time, it was miserable for no reason and it was a staple of emotion for 13 year old me.
If I was asked, "would you love me if I were 13" I would say no, even if I love them currently, it would still be no. How could you love someone who is so unstable, so unlikable and so hard to love.